BAYWATCH – REVIEW

Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Priyanka Chopra,
Director: Seth Gordon
Running Time: 116mins
Cert: 12A

When it was originally announced that there was going to be a Baywatch movie, it was met with a lot of skepticism. Unfortunately, this was proven to be warranted by the disastrously pointless film that is BAYWATCH.

While i have not taken this film seriously by any means; even in is stupidity it lacks any real humour or comical narrative. For once, Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson has not blessed a film with his star power and created a hit.

Its quite simply ridiculous and only serves as 116 mins of eye candy. This isnt a problem of course lol, but what could have been very funny, had crap one liners; shit punchlines and a copious amount of swearing that was highly unnecessary.

The story was weak; the editing was abysmal, the acting was lacklustre and the villain was a bore. While her accent was wonderful to listen to; there was no mystery to Priyanka Chopra’s villain.

Of course the original series was far fetched and cheesy; and this definitely pays homage to that, but its not don correctly in the way that 21 Jump Street was for example.

While the cameos from David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson are fun, the film is just weak.

FAST AND FURIOUS 8 – REVIEW

 

Starring: Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson, Michelle Rodriguez, Charlize Theron, Jason Statham
Director: F. Gary Gray
Running Time: 136mins
Cert: 12A

 

Hey guys!

It has actually been a hot minute since i’ve reviewed a film but of course, the one film to bring me out of hiatus is the newest instalment to the the Fast Franchise; Fast and Furious 8: The Fate of the Furious!

I went to a 00:01 showing of the movie with my brother just so i could see it has soon as possible and it was definitely worth staying up for!

F8 initially takes us to the picturesque setting of Havana, Cuba where we meet up with the Torettos who are living happily in wedded bliss. When Dom is cornered by a mysterious beautiful woman we learn is Cipher (Theron); things get a little interesting. Told not to involve his team in the task she has given him to do – for which he had clear reluctance until she shows him a picture of something – Dom gets the team together to complete the mission and within moments of completing it; betrays them.

From this point on, there are stunts and spectacles of epic proportions that are done in such a ridiculously elaborate way, that you cant help but love it! The villain in Cipher is clearly a force to be reckoned with, as she has a calm-before-the-storm element to her that is a lot more effective in keeping Dominic under control than some of her more aggressive predecessors.

Providing the laughs throughout is of course Roman (Tyrese Gibson) who while you can question his usefulness in the franchise as a whole, definitely makes his mark in this instalment by proving he can be more than a loud mouth of one liners. He is of course joined by the Brain to his Pinky, Tej who has finally found a tech companion in newest team member Ramsey (Nathalie Emmanuel). The team wouldn’t be complete of course without the much more womanly Mrs Alpha (Rodriguez) and glistening muscles, Mr Baby Oil himself, Luke Hobbs (Johnson)

Lastly, joined by fan favourite Deckard Shaw (Statham), Mr Nobody (Kurt Russell) and his sidekick, newbie Scott Eastwood, F8 sets itself up as the instalment with probably the best storyline in terms of depth and surprises. The stunts are tame in comparison to Furious 7 or Fast 5 for example, but are definitely a thrill to watch. Statham makes us Brits proud with the way he kicks ass and takes names all over that place and his banter with Hobbs is up there with epic bantery! I realise this isn’t a word but i’m sticking with it!

Needless to say this was always going to be an interesting project for the people involved in that they wanted to continue the world of Furious without the late Paul Walker but they do a great job in keeping his memory alive.

The Fate of the Furious, is up there with the best of the fast bunch and is just over two hours of non stop action, emotion, banter and of course, family.

FAST 7 – REVIEW

Review

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Starring: Paul Walker, Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Dwayne Johnson, Jordana Brewster, Tyrese Gibson, Ludacris, Jason Statham
Director: James Wan
Running Time: 140mins
Cert: 12A

As i type, i am currently on my way to Venice so we shall keep it short and sweet. 

My dedication to this film was as such that i chose a later flight just so i could see it first thing this morning and im so glad i did. 

Fast 7 is quite frankly perfect. It was always going to be intriguing how they were going to handle the sensitive subject that is Paul Walker’s death but it was done, dare i say beautifully. 

All sentiment aside and a genuine and general love for the franchise, Fast 7 is just over two hours of unstoppable action, comedy, stunts and of course family. 

The running theme of family is evident in the film making all the referneces to it and losing the ones you love all the more potent because of Paul’s departure. The fact that the entite crew are back including Tokyo Drift’s Lucas Black and even Hector from The Fast and the Furious make this an incredible trip down memory lane filled with the intensity and action that the new instalments are now famous for. 

The stunts are fantastic and in no way over the top. I mean, who else but Dom and his crew/family would drive out of an aeroplane with parachutes attached to the vehicles!? The fight scenes between Dom and Shaw, Hobbs and Shaw, Brian and this absolutely lethal Kung Fu type guy as well as Michelle Rodriguez versus UFC Bantamweight Champion, Ronda Rousey are all incredible to watch. The banter between Roman and Tej provides the necessary giggles and comrarderie we’ve come to expect. 

I could rattle on forever but the underlining point  wouldnbe that Fast 7 is the jewel in the crown of the Furious franchise. Bringing in the elements of all previous films and blending with new faces and thrills is amazing. The use of technology to create Walker in scenes hewas unable to complete, show the dedication and care that went into this film to make it the best if the bunch. 

Paul would have undoubtedly been proud of the project and it does his Fast legacy justice. I cried like an absolute baby but it was worth it to experience this amazing film and its goodbye to a wonderful actor, father and friend to all who knew him.

RIP Paul ❤️

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY – REVIEW

 

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Starring: Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan
Director: Sam Taylor-Johnson
Rating: 18
Time: 125mins

Ive said it before and ill say it again: Fifty Shades of Grey is a terrible book. Its written terribly, the story is basic and only really held together by the complexity of the enigmatic, sexy and yes, extremely wealthy Christian Grey.

Now, bare this in mind when going to see the film if you decide to as if you have no high expectations, you will not be disappointed. Fifty Shades is exactly what it should be in my opinion: a bit of cheeky fun. Imagine going to a party and dancing the night away to every Steps, NSync or Spice Girls song and thats what a trip to the movies to see this is all about: guilty pleasure. You shouldn’t like Christian but you do. You shouldn’t want him to slap fifty shades out of Anastasia but you do and thats the fun of it!

As so many have slandered this movie i have decided to take a more positive stance simply because i honestly didn’t think it was that bad. Sure, the dialogue is horrendous but thats excusable because E. L James – the writer of Fifty Shades if you didn’t know -apparently wanted all her words to stay the same regardless of the fact that noone would ever talk like that to each other. Another big fault unfortunately is Christian. From being the single element that makes the books worth reading, Jamie Dornan to me, takes the fun out of Christian and im actually in Ana’s corner. Dakota Johnson is awesome as the shy and virginal Miss Steele who even with that shit hair style makes it believable that he should want her. She cries well, she makes the Ana-drunk-on-a-night-out scene hilariously good and she’s not afraid to show a little titty.

Speaking of titties and leaving the actors behind, lets get to the good stuff: The Sex. Overall, its well spaced and positioned i.e not just sexing all over the house at every given second and not too dragged out. There is sufficient nudity from Dakota and even a little suggestive side penis from Jamie. My favourite scene being when he has sex with her in her apartment. Some saucy stuff there i tell ya! Arch your back girlfriend! Arch your back! 😆 The only part that was disappointing for me was the final beating scene for reasons i wont say so as not to spoil it.

Other than that, its filmed beautifully. The beginning made me think if a thriller, very intense and mood filled. Editing is decent with interesting scenes, the most notable being the scene when they discuss the terms of the contract. Interesting stuff. The score is awesome, will definitely invest in that and all the cheeky elements of the book that had you falling in love with Christian as well such as Charlie Tango and the gliding experience in Georgia were all shown to perfection.

Before wrapping up, i wanted to touch on the supporting cast who don’t provide much support especially if your name is Rita Bora sorry, Ora. Could this women be any more irrelevant? With her one and a half immaterial line that had you wondering if she was even still in the room. Im shudder at the thought of her playing a bigger role in the sequels!

All in all, if you go to see Fifty Shades of Grey with an open mind to some fun and frolicking in mind then i think you will thoroughly enjoy it. For those who have not read the book, certain elements will of course be lost on you as the deeper psyche of Christian is not fully explored or displayed by Dornan. In the film he is 100% a stalker. In the books, sure he’s a bit intense but there is an understanding that fails to carry onto the silver screen.

Going to watch it expecting to see a romance/erotica penned by a Bronte sister mixed with Jackie Collins is undoubtedly going to leave you disappointed. Watch it to see some titties and you wont be 😛